By Alexis Williams, LSCW
How does one begin to make sense of the repetitive pain and chaos in the world today? How can one understand the images of immigrants being forcibly detained by federal agents, the fear being stoked about those who look different from you, and the combined anger and disconnect between persons of all races? Deep seated feelings of hatred can seem so pervasive these days.
Past experiences
One answer may lie in the notion of emotional woundedness. Emotional woundedness refers to psychological scars or emotional pain that develops from past experiences of trauma, abuse, neglect, rejection, or betrayal. It may then manifest in present-day symptoms of depression, anxiety, anger or numbness. It can significantly impact how an individual relates to others through a repeat of physical or emotional harm, feelings of distrust, emotional constriction, or unavailability or indifference to others.
Generational trauma
A related concept is that of intergenerational trauma which is the transmission of physiological and psychological effects of prior violence or abuse across generations. This can then affect a person’s brain development, lead to unhealthy coping mechanisms, and cause a negative and dangerous worldview. This can affect all races and how they interact with each other. There is growing evidence that intergenerational trauma adds to the mistreatment of migrants and also to the difficulties that migrants encounter in their daily lives.
Safe place
While neither emotional woundedness nor intergenerational trauma should be viewed as excuses for poor treatment of others, these concepts provide a different lens for understanding and a means for possible healing. It should also be noted that most victims of early trauma involving abuse do not go on to abuse others.
“The wound is the place where the light enters you.”-Rumi
So how does one begin to confront the issue of holding emotional wounds? It can start with having a safe place to explore the inner pain felt from an individual’s own experience with trauma/mistreatment.
Healing
In my own private practice as a clinical social worker, it is not uncommon to uncover stories of childhood trauma in the form of physical, sexual, verbal or emotional abuse or neglect in the clients who seek treatment with me. Often this is not the presenting issue when someone begins therapy. The identified issue may be anxiety, depression, or interpersonal difficulties, but a revelation of trauma may evolve as someone shares details of their life story—sometimes for the first time. For others, it may be present-day experiences of abuse/mistreatment in a close relationship which may have been preceded by abusive childhood experiences. Work place trauma is another disturbing occurrence that has negative implications for a person’s well-being. It all can accumulate, with a person ending up with a broken spirit. The accompanying feelings of failure, feeling less-than, unlovable, unworthy, ashamed, insecure, or self-blaming can create deep and profound effects.
Support system
Having someone to sit with, witness, and acknowledge a person’s pain and ways in which they were wronged can be a powerful step toward healing. It can provide a corrective emotional experience as one learns to challenge their own negative thought patterns. The need to be affirmed and validated in order to build and reclaim one’s sense of self-worth and dignity is an essential building block of therapy.
Tools
Retelling details of trauma is painstaking work. When asked how it feels to share their pain, most clients will express a combination of relief and increased unsettledness. As a result, having additional tools to support their healing journey is essential. This may include journaling, practicing deep breathing, meditation, positive visual imagery, and other relaxation skills. It involves improving self-care through proper diet, healthy sleep habits, and exercise. It means learning to set appropriate boundaries, relearning communication styles, and expressing gratitude. It is critical to have patience with the process and to show grace to one’s self.
“If we do not transform our pain, we will assuredly transmit it.”-Father Richard Rohr
Group therapy or support groups can be another helpful addition, allowing an individual to receive extra guidance and support as they learn to also support others experiencing similar issues.
Foundation
Without question, having a strong spiritual foundation is a sustaining and empowering experience. I am reminded of one client who shared that she prayed for Jesus to hold her as she struggled one night with her own torment-filled emotions, and it was through this that she was able to fall asleep. This and other stories are strong examples of the power of prayer and drawing on Jesus as the “wounded healer.”
In my many years as at therapist, I have always been cognizant of the resilience of individuals who have encountered some of life’s most difficult challenges/experiences and yet with the right tools are able to thrive in spite of emotional scars.
Alexis is a licensed clinical social worker, a Dominican Associate, and a member of the JUST Words editorial board.
